What's in My Bag?: Candice Pelland, The Pain of Death, The Purposeful Prayer and the Promises of God.

Candice's candour during my time with her overwhelmed me in a good way, She was open, sincere and almost child like. There was so much innocence oozing from her, so much purity in her heart.

What I didn't tell her was the feeling I had from the moment we started talking. The atmosphere was warm almost like her father was sitting with us at the table smiling. Apart from feeling the love that she has for her father, I felt a sense of peace in her presence. It is an honor to share a little bit in the life of her father through her memories. Her story will make you shed a tear or two but it will also give you hope as well as make you smile. Please, enjoy and be blessed.

Candice what was growing up like for you?

Growing up was great, I grew up in the church. We lived in Bahrain. We were there in the eighties. My life mainly and frankly consisted of church, school and home. I had no idea even about my immediate culture around me. It took living in another part of the Middle East to learn about the richness of the Arab culture. It was a very sheltered life.

What did Mom and Dad do?

Mom was a Math teacher and Dad was a Mechanical Engineer. He worked for Aluminium Bahrain while mom taught at the Philippines school

Did you go to the Philippines school?

No I went to Sacred Hearts school, a Catholic school.

People always assume that children who have parents as teachers always do well at school, did you always have great grades?

Oh Yes. I did very well at school, I was really good at acing tests, but as soon as it was over, I forgot all I ever did or wrote. There was no explanation for not doing well. I did well at tests but was not awesome at remembering it after.

Did you have any siblings?

Yes, one brother and one sister, I am the oldest of them all,

So what was your childhood like living in Bahrain?

It was so much fun, we always went to church and our house was always open to everybody. We had a piano, and people would just come in from church and just play the piano, someone would go cook in the kitchen, It was beautiful. There was always laughter in our house, filled with joy.

That says a lot about your parents, they must have been very hospitable people..

Oh yes, they were, both of them, very giving and loving.

At what point did you meet your husband and where?

We met in Bahrain, at my pastors house. I had just turned twenty nine, I had had a crush on our bible study leader but just found out he had a girlfriend, I was kind of heartbroken, so I prayed, I said Lord if you want me to be single, take away the desire for me to get married, and If you want me to be married then please let me meet my future husband on my birthday. Barbara, I met Steve on my birthday

Wow! God really answers prayers and very specific ones too, has there ever been another time for you that God answered another specific prayer?

Yes Barbara. You know at the time I met Steve I was twenty nine, everyone in our Filipino community kept asking me when I was getting married and I just told them I hadn't found my blue eyed prince, Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted a husband with blue eyes.

Wait a minute? Does Steve have blue eyes?

Yes he does.

Wow! Was it love at first sight of the blue eyes?

(Giggles) Not really, would you believe that? Steve's Boss at the time was our family friend who was also one of the people who wanted me to get married because they thought I was getting older. I knew I also wanted a man older than me too, his boss always spoke so well of him, but I really didn't know much about Steve. Every time I saw him, he would ask me questions and I would just answer him with Yeses or No's. One day I asked him how old he was. He said he was 29, in my mind I was thinking oh, bummer! same as me, then I asked him when his birthday was, he told me it was June, in my mind, I was like okay cool, he is older. It is amazing because, he had all the qualities but I just was not sure yet.

So what did it for you then?

Steve was very, very persistent. He would never take no for an answer. He had integrity and still does. He would call exactly when he said he would call. Very dependable. He is also extremely funny. Who doesn't like a handsome and funny man Barbara? To be honest though at the beginning, I wondered why he was always so funny, so assertive, I almost thought he was arrogant but as I got to know him, I saw that he was such a wonderful person, I understood then why everyone around him liked him. Steve has a way of making people around him feel special, with my husband, I'm like a princess.

Your parents were very welcoming of everyone I know, but were they also welcoming of you marrying outside of your ethnic group?

My parents didn't care who I married as long as he was a good man, at a point they would even joke about auctioning me if I didn't get a man, I was too picky and they were probably just sick of it. I wanted my blue eyed man, there were suitors but if they didn't have blue eyes (giggles), they didn't matter much.

How long have you been married for now?

Fifteen awesome years.

Best thing your husband has said to you: That I am beautiful grey hair or not.

What do you love most about your husband?

Steve is the funniest and most loving man I know, when we got married he promised we would never go to bed mad at each other and he has always kept that promise.

What has marriage taught you?

Oh, lots and lots and more. Marriage has taught me to be more patient. To be more open minded. I used to be quite judgmental growing up, I would be like ooh so and so is smoking, Steve taught me to see better and more beautiful things in people than that. He doesn't drink or smoke but he helped me understand that no one should judge anyone by that sort of thing, like tattoos or more.

Yes, I agree, when Jesus came into the world, the bible tells us that he didn't condemn anyone, he ate with sinners like you and me, with tax collectors, he was friends with an adulterous woman not judging her but forgiving her and showing her the right way..

You know Barbara, you are so right, I grew up so sheltered and never saw anything controversial, so it made me really judgmental, I just thought if anyone did anything like that, they were going straight to hell, so Steve helped me understand that much better. I used to really be self conscious too, I cared what people said or thought of me, Steve helped me realize that the only two people who mattered were God and my family, till now, if I'm going to do anything, I ask myself if it would please or displease God and how it would affect my family.

I agree, did you start a family immediately after the marriage?

Oh yes, everyone was breathing down my neck, I got pregnant after seven months of our marriage I think.

Did the arrival of children change your newly married life?

Definitely, I grew up with my mom having maids at our home, My mom was a very integral part of our lives, she raised us but she had help. I was blindsided by that. I though having a baby was going to be so easy, I though the baby would just sleep, play, eat and repeat. I had no idea about the work behind it. The work started right from the day he was born. I remember my son crying at the hospital when he was born, and I had to call the nurse, she took one look at me and asked me, "Did you feed him? Did you change his diaper?" I was like I hadn't. She told me "Well, that's why he is hungry" I was so used to just doing my own thing with Steve and now I had to worry about someone else too. My world changed but for good, Elizabeth came after Caleb but of course by then I was stronger and more prepared.

What is the relationship between Caleb and Elizabeth like?

They are very good with each other, they argue like every one else does. They hang out together and are good friends with each other. Caleb is now fourteen and Elizabeth is twelve.

What's in her bag? Phone, I.D's, Keys,
wipes, Lip-balm,
lip-sticks, sunglasses,
wallet

What is it like having a teenager in the house? People say it is so very difficult raising teenagers these days.

Tell me about it, especially the boys.

Who is the bad cop/disciplinarian at home?

Steve of course. Caleb talks more to Steve than to me, maybe it because they are guys, I don't know and he will tell him anything and everything. I'll miss him when he goes off to boarding school though, I know I'll keep worrying about him being faraway from me just like every other mom, but I also know he will be fine.

What was Bahrain like twenty years ago?

It was so different from now, there was no cause way, Juffair was predominantly water. I love the developments that have taken place. It is a wonderful country. There were and still are churches there so even though it is an Arab country, it is very tolerant of other faiths.

So do your parents still live in Bahrain?

No they passed away sadly.

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear, what happened? Who passed away first?

My dad.

How old was he?

He was sixty four. He had a heart attack, My family friends told me then that my mom would go soon after then too. My parents were always together, he always made my moms coffee, her heart was broken when dad died and not too long after mom joined her husband, the love of her life.

Candice, how do you survive loosing both parents in such a short period of time?

Oh! Barbara, there is no explanation or description for that, It was extremely difficult. Even for the kids, my dad was such an angel of a human being. At church, they told me that a week or so before his passing, he gave a testimony that he was ready to go home to be with His Saviour. He said he was not scared of dying because he was ready to go home.

My dad was such a joy giver, he sang in church with his loud voice, he was in the choir, he was such a giving man, he would give his money, the shirt on his back. My dad was a very rare human being Barbara. You know, one time back home in the Philippines, his wallet was stolen, it had about five hundred dollars in it, my mother was pretty upset about it, you know what my father said? My dad told her not to worry because he felt that maybe the thief really truly needed the money.

He was that sort of person. Sometimes people who we had no clue who they were or came from just showed up at our door, we would ask who they were, they would say they were friends of brother Steve, that was my dads name, they would tell us that dad had told them they could come stay over.

Candice, What an amazing testimony of your father you have, it is such a beautiful legacy he left behind. Your husband and dad have the same name?

Yes they do.

What are most grateful for living here in the Middle East?

I am so grateful for the diversity in friendships, the slower paced life which has helped me grow even more spiritually. Also great quality of family time. Everyone should live here if they get the opportunity. The ability to travel around the world too is a huge blessing

How have you been able to choose good friends?

Well, same interests mostly. People who are supportive, who love God.

With such an amazing father and mother, what values do you hope to pass down to your children?

Loving people no matter what, to be kind, respectful, caring and helpful, to see the good in people.

My dad had people cheat on him because of his kind natured-ness and it didn't matter to him, He still loved. I truly want my children to be respectful to every one.

Candice, my aunt lost a very loved one a few years ago, she told me that it took about two years for her to begin the healing process, do you also think so?

Yes it will get easier but I don't think you ever completely heal. There will be moments, like Christmas and more. The vacuum never closes.

What was the last moment you had with your mom like?

Mom had cancer and towards the end, she was not eating much, finally she said she wanted me to make something, I am not a great cook Barbara, I made some food and she ate it all. I remember, when I was with her in the Philippines during the last days, the kids and Steve were back home, one time I called them and Caleb was humming, Caleb was always humming and I always told him to stop because I felt it was a bit pesky, when we were speaking over the phone, she told me to stop bothering him, she told me he was humming because he is happy. It was priceless, I never saw it that way

What was the most memorable time you had with your dad?

Oh! lots and lots. He was always happy, My dad loved kids so much, he also loved singing and we were always you know as kids kind of embarrassed by him singing so loudly in church, you know how you can feel people looking at you without seeing them. Dad sang everywhere, he sang all the time at home and when he started singing a particular song often at home, we would ask mom," Is dad planning to sing something solo at church?" She would say yes and then my siblings and I would decide we would be in the children's section of church because we knew everyone would be looking at us, it was always so funny, so embarrassing but filled with joy if you understand me. Dad was so passion filled for God and it showed in his loud voice, he sang alto, tenor, bass, he sang everything. I loved his passion for God. I hope my children pick up this passion too for God and for Christian music.

Candice I know you are a church girl, you grew up in church, you still sing at church. What do you think of Church today? So many people have been hurt by the church, they have experienced betrayals, disappointment and more?

There is a sermon that has stuck tome since I was a teenager, Barbara we do not go to church for the people there or for the pastor, no. We go there for God. To meet with God. The people there and the pastors are not God, they are human beings just like you and me and we sin every single day, we are all sinners but for the grace and mercy of God. We need fellowship and you will get that from church, iron sharpeneth iron. It breaks my heart when things like this happen in church, but that shouldn't be a basis for going or not going to church.

Candice you are so well educated with a degree from the university, how does it feel to be a full time mom?

At first I struggled, but nothing compares to being able to stay home and raise my children, that is a huge blessing. I am so grateful to God for that. Our children are only little for so long, the grow so fast and are out of the house before you know it. I want every time with them.

Candice, as we have spoken, the love you have for your parents is so tangible, I can almost touch it. Yet you have a peace about them being gone. Where is that from?

It comes from knowing where they are Barbara. They are in a place that is so much better than I can explain, this is the hope that we have. The resurrection in God is Life forevermore.

Hmm, what do you think about life after death?

I think it is going to be really beautiful, we get to go live with God forever more.

Do you believe in hell?

Yes I do, I believe there is a place called hell...

What do you think hell is?

Eternal damnation, suffering, suffering because God is not there.

What are your top tips for living your best life

Always stay positive
Stay away from drama
Do not over think the little things,
Give people the benefit of the doubt

What is something you would never compromise on?

I will never change my mind on my beliefs on marriage being between a man and a woman, however I do not hate homosexuals. I love everyone just as God loves everyone, I have gay friends, I just do not condone that sort of lifestyle. I share Gods message with love, I am not judgmental. The Philippines has a large number of homosexuals so it isn't really strange to me.

When You go back home to the Philippines, who do you go too? Home is actually the USA for you because that is where your husband is from.

My brother is there as well as friends and family too.

Candice its been such a pleasure talking to you, your love for your parents has warmed my heart so much, I am inspired to be a better mother and wife. Thank you so very much.

No, Thank you Barbara.

Fashion Questions

Heels or Flats?

Flats

Favourite Colour of Lipstick?

Nudes

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