Candice Pelland, The Pain of Death, The Purposeful Prayer and the Promises of God.

Candice's candour during my time with her overwhelmed me in a good way, She was open, sincere and almost child like. There was so much innocence oozing from her, so much purity in her heart. 

What I didn't tell her was the feeling I had from the moment we started talking. The atmosphere was warm almost like her father was sitting with us at the table smiling. Apart from feeling the love that she has for her father, I felt a sense of peace in her presence. It is an honor to share a little bit in the life of her father through her memories. Her story will make you shed a tear or two but it will also give you hope as well as make you smile. Please, enjoy and be blessed.

Candice what was growing up like for you?

Growing up was great, I grew up in the church. We lived in Bahrain. We were there in the eighties. My life mainly and frankly consisted of church, school and home. I had no idea even about my immediate culture around me. It took living in another part of the Middle East to learn about the richness of the Arab culture. It was a very sheltered life.

What did Mom and Dad do? 

Mom was a Math teacher and Dad was a Mechanical Engineer. He worked for Aluminium Bahrain while mom taught at the Philippines school

Did you go to the Philippines school?

No I went to Sacred Hearts school, a Catholic school.

People always assume that children who have parents as teachers always do well at school, did you always have great grades?

Oh Yes. I did very well at school, I was really good at acing tests, but as soon as it was over, I forgot all I ever did or wrote. There was no explanation for not doing well. I did well at tests but was not awesome at remembering it after.

Did you have any siblings?

Yes, one brother and one sister, I am the oldest of them all,

So what was your childhood like living in Bahrain?

It was so much fun, we always went to church and our house was always open to everybody. We had a piano, and people would just come in from church and just play the piano, someone would go cook in the kitchen, It was beautiful. There was always laughter in our house, filled with joy.

That says a lot about your parents, they must have been very hospitable people..

Oh yes, they were, both of them, very giving and loving.

At what point did you meet your husband and where?

We met in Bahrain, at my pastors house. I had just turned twenty nine, I had had a crush on our bible study leader but just found out he had a girlfriend, I was kind of heartbroken, so I prayed, I said Lord if you want me to be single, take away the desire for me to get married, and If you want me to be married then please let me meet my future husband on my birthday. Barbara, I met Steve on my birthday

Wow! God really answers prayers and very specific ones too, has there ever been another time for you that God answered another specific prayer?

Yes Barbara. You know at the time I met Steve I was twenty nine, everyone in our Filipino community kept asking me when I was getting married and I just told them I hadn't found my blue eyed prince, Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted a husband with blue eyes.

Wait a minute? Does Steve have blue eyes?

Yes he does.

Wow! Was it love at first sight of the blue eyes?

(Giggles) Not really, would you believe that? Steve's Boss at the time was our family friend who was also one of the people who wanted me to get married because they thought I was getting older. I knew I also wanted a man older than me too, his boss always spoke so well of him, but I really didn't know much about Steve. Every time I saw him, he would ask me questions and I would just answer him with Yeses or No's. One day I asked him how old he was. He said he was 29, in my mind I was thinking oh, bummer! same as me, then I asked him when his birthday was, he told me it was June, in my mind, I was like okay cool, he is older. It is amazing because, he had all the qualities but I just was not sure yet.

So what did it for you then?

Steve was very, very persistent. He would never take no for an answer. He had integrity and still does. He would call exactly when he said he would call. Very dependable. He is also extremely funny. Who doesn't like a handsome and funny man Barbara? To be honest though at the beginning, I wondered why he was always so funny, so assertive, I almost thought he was arrogant but as I got to know him, I saw that he was such a wonderful person, I understood then why everyone around him liked him. Steve has a way of making people around him feel special, with my husband, I'm like a princess.

Your parents were very welcoming of everyone I know, but were they also welcoming of you marrying outside of your ethnic group?

My parents didn't care who I married as long as he was a good man, at a point they would even joke about auctioning me if I didn't get a man, I was too picky and they were probably just sick of it. I wanted my blue eyed man, there were suitors but if they didn't have blue eyes (giggles), they didn't matter much.

How long have you been married for now?

Fifteen awesome years.

Best thing your husband has said to you: That I am beautiful grey hair or not.

What do you love most about your husband?

Steve is the funniest and most loving man I know, when we got married he promised we would never go to bed mad at each other and he has always kept that promise.

What has marriage taught you?

Oh, lots and lots and more. Marriage has taught me to be more patient. To be more open minded. I used to be quite judgmental growing up, I would be like ooh so and so is smoking, Steve taught me to see better and more beautiful things in people than that. He doesn't drink or smoke but he helped me understand that no one should judge anyone by that sort of thing, like tattoos or more. 

Yes, I agree, when Jesus came into the world, the bible tells us that he didn't condemn anyone, he ate with sinners like you and me, with tax collectors, he was friends with an adulterous woman not judging her but forgiving her and showing her the right way..

You know Barbara, you are so right, I grew up so sheltered and never saw anything controversial, so it made me really judgmental, I just thought if anyone did anything like that, they were going straight to hell, so Steve helped me understand that much better. I used to really be self conscious too, I cared what people said or thought of me, Steve helped me realize that the only two people who mattered were God and my family, till now, if I'm going to do anything, I ask myself if it would please or displease God and how it would  affect my family.

I agree, did you start a family immediately after the marriage?

Oh yes, everyone was breathing down my neck, I got pregnant after seven months of our marriage I think.

Did the arrival of children change your newly married life?

Definitely, I grew up with my mom having maids at our home, My mom was a very integral part of our lives, she raised us but she had help.  I was blindsided by that. I though having a baby was going to be so easy, I though the baby would just sleep, play, eat and repeat. I had no idea about the work behind it. The work started right from the day he was born. I remember my son crying at the hospital when he was born, and I had to call the nurse, she took one look at me and asked me, "Did you feed him? Did you change his diaper?" I was like I hadn't. She told me "Well, that's why he is hungry" I was so used to just doing my own thing with Steve and now I had to worry about someone else too. My world changed but for good, Elizabeth came after Caleb but of course by then I was stronger and more prepared.

What is the relationship between Caleb and Elizabeth like?

They are very good with each other, they argue like every one else  does. They hang out together and are good friends with each other. Caleb is now fourteen and Elizabeth is twelve.

What's in her bag? Phone, I.D's, Keys,
wipes, Lip-balm,
lip-sticks, sunglasses,
wallet

What is it like having a teenager in the house? People say it is so very difficult raising teenagers these days.

Tell me about it, especially the boys.

Who is the bad cop/disciplinarian at home?

Steve of course. Caleb talks more to Steve than to me, maybe it because they are guys, I don't know and he will tell him anything and everything.  I'll miss him when he goes off to boarding school though, I know I'll keep worrying about him being faraway from me just like every other mom, but I also  know he will be fine.

What was Bahrain like twenty years ago?

It was so different from now, there was no cause way, Juffair was predominantly water. I love the developments that have taken place. It is a wonderful country. There were and still are churches there so even though it is an Arab country, it is very tolerant of other faiths.

So do your parents still live in Bahrain?

No they passed away sadly.

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear, what happened? Who passed away first?

My dad.

How old was he?

He was sixty four. He had a heart attack, My family friends told me then that my mom would go soon after then too. My parents were always together, he always made my moms coffee, her heart was broken when dad died and not too long after mom joined her husband, the love of her life.

Candice, how do you survive loosing both parents in such a short period of time?

Oh! Barbara, there is no explanation or description for that, It was extremely difficult. Even for the kids, my dad was such an angel of a human being. At church, they told me that a week or so before his passing, he gave a testimony that he was ready to go home to be with His Saviour. He said he was not scared of dying because he was ready to go home. 

My dad was such a joy giver, he sang in church with his loud voice, he was in the choir, he was such a giving man, he would give his money, the shirt on his back. My dad was a very rare human being Barbara. You know, one time back home in the Philippines, his wallet was stolen, it had about five hundred dollars in it, my mother was pretty upset about it, you know what my father said?  My dad told her not to worry because he felt that maybe the thief really truly needed the money.

He was that sort of person. Sometimes people who we had no clue who they were or came from just showed up at our door, we would ask who they were, they would say they were friends of brother Steve, that was my dads name, they would tell us that dad had told them they could come stay over.

Candice, What an amazing testimony of your father you have, it is such a beautiful legacy he left behind. Your husband and dad have the same name?

Yes they do.

What are most grateful for living here in the Middle East?

I am so grateful for the diversity in friendships, the slower paced life which has helped me grow even more spiritually. Also great quality of family time. Everyone should live here if they get the opportunity. The ability to travel around the world too is a huge blessing

How have you been able to choose good friends?

Well, same interests mostly. People who are supportive, who love God. 

With such an amazing father and mother, what values do you hope to pass down to your children?

Loving people no matter what, to be kind, respectful, caring and helpful, to see the good in people. 

My dad had people cheat on him because of his kind natured-ness and it didn't matter to him, He still loved. I truly want my children to be respectful to every one.

Candice, my aunt lost a very loved one a few years ago, she told me that it took about two years for her to begin the healing process, do you also think so?

Yes it will get easier but I don't think you ever completely heal. There will be moments, like Christmas and more. The vacuum never closes.

What was the last moment you had with your mom like?

Mom had cancer and towards the end, she was not eating much, finally she said she wanted me to make something,  I am not a great cook Barbara, I made some food and she ate it all. I remember, when I was with her in the Philippines during the last days, the kids and Steve were back home, one time I called them and Caleb was humming, Caleb was always humming and I always told him to stop because I felt it was a bit pesky, when we were speaking over the phone, she told me to stop bothering him, she told me he was humming because he is happy. It was priceless, I never saw it that way

What was the most memorable time you had with your dad?

Oh! lots and lots. He was always happy, My dad loved kids so much, he also loved singing and we were always you know as kids kind of embarrassed by him singing so loudly in church, you know how you can feel people looking at you without seeing them. Dad sang everywhere, he sang all the time at home and when he started singing a particular song often at home, we would ask mom," Is dad planning to sing something solo at church?" She would say yes and then my siblings and I would decide we would be in the children's section of church because we knew everyone would be looking at us, it was always so funny, so embarrassing but filled with joy if you understand me. Dad was so passion filled for God and it showed in his loud voice, he sang alto, tenor, bass, he sang everything. I loved his passion for God. I hope my children pick up this passion too for God and for Christian music.

Candice I know you are a church girl, you grew up in church, you still sing at church. What do you think of Church today? So many people have been hurt by the church, they have experienced betrayals, disappointment and more? 

There is a sermon that has stuck tome since I was a teenager, Barbara we do not go to church for the people there or for the pastor, no. We go there for God. To meet with God. The people there and the pastors are not God, they are human beings just like you and me and we sin every single day, we are all sinners but for the grace and mercy of God. We need fellowship and you will get that from church, iron sharpeneth iron. It breaks my heart when things like this happen in church, but that shouldn't be a basis for going or not going to church.

Candice you are so well educated with a degree from the university, how does it feel to be a full time mom?

At first I struggled, but nothing compares to being able to stay home and raise my children, that is a huge blessing. I am so grateful to God for that. Our children are only little for so long, the grow so fast and are out of the house before you know it. I want every time with them.

Candice, as we have spoken, the love you have for your parents is so tangible, I can almost touch it. Yet you have a peace about them being gone. Where is that from?

It comes from knowing where they are Barbara. They are in a place that is so much better than I can explain, this is the hope that we have. The resurrection in God is Life forevermore.

Hmm, what do you think about life after death?

I think it is going to be really beautiful, we get to go live with God forever more.

Do you believe in hell?

Yes I do, I believe there is a place called hell...

What do you think hell is?

Eternal damnation, suffering, suffering because God is not there.

What are your top tips for living your best life

• Always stay positive
• Stay away from drama
• Do not over think the little things,
• Give people the benefit of the doubt

What is something you would never compromise on?

I will never change my mind on my beliefs on marriage being between a man and a woman, however I do not hate homosexuals. I love everyone just as God loves everyone, I have gay friends, I just do not condone that sort of lifestyle. I share Gods message with love, I am not judgmental. The Philippines has a large number of homosexuals so it isn't really strange to me.

When You go back home to the Philippines, who do you go too? Home is actually the USA for you because that is where your husband is from.

My brother is there as well as friends and family too.

Candice its been such a pleasure talking to you, your love for your parents has warmed my heart so much, I am inspired to be a better mother and wife. Thank you so very much.

No, Thank you Barbara.

Fashion Questions

Heels or Flats?

 Flats

Favourite Colour of Lipstick? 

Nudes

Favourite Nail polish colour:

 Nudes

Designer or Non Designer bags? 

I like my designer bags honestly.

Jeans or skirts? 

Jeans

Dresses or Skirts? 

Dresses

Favourite Daytime look:

 Jeans and a nice shirt 

I guess?

Favourite night time look? Same!

Eska Moellendick, A Winning Warrior Woman.

Eska is almost like a Disney Princess, she is petite, gorgeous with a capital G and always looks exceptionally happy. Underneath her princess-sy sweetness and charm lies a warrior woman. I have heard tons of stories like hers but none has really stirred me like hers did, We cried together during the interview and at some points, I stopped our chat to dig dipper and share some of my own personal struggles, I left her home much more inspired to keep telling other people’s stories, I also left extremely challenged to become a much more better person.
Eska is the definition of courage, brains and a dose of beautiful inspiration. Please Enjoy.

Eska, it looks like you are living a fairy tale life...

Really? (Looks Shocked)

Has Life always been this beautiful for you? You just truly always look so happy, very pleasant and just filled with joy

Barbara, even the fairy tale princesses have had their own fair challenges. Actually I have had people say this to me also. I just don't believe in sharing or showing my problems except it will truly help someone, I believe in always thinking of the best and just being positive always. Happiness is something you create, so if I can create that for myself then everything else just falls together

You just had baby, how has that changed your life?

Eska and Emily

Oh wow! A lot has changed. I mean even with my husband, we have little time for each other, all our energy goes into raising Emily. Becoming a mother has changed me a lot... I think of someone now more than myself, everything I do now revolves round Emily. Her arrival gave me some baby blues initially, I couldn't believe it... With Emily, there has been a few changes here and there nothing out of the norm, I'm the happiest mom.

The past few days, I have spoken to women who have married outside their ethnicity and they tell me some of the challenges they have faced, have you also faced any? Your husband is American and you are Indonesian?

To be honest, not much. The language in the beginning? Yes, the culture? Maybe a little, the most difficult challenge is what everyone faces, two people becoming one. Getting to know each other more and with me, it's been great.

How did you both meet?

Barbara, this is a really funny story. I was working at an advertising agency, we, my colleagues and I had a PR job in the city, in an area where a lot of people hang out called Kaman, it was a work event after which we decided to hang out. On this day, we went to a local spot and Eric shows up there. It was a very crazy accident but that was it.

Mr and Mrs Moellendick

Do you think it was an accident or Destiny?

When you put it that way, I really do believe it was Destiny, you know I was not on my best behaviour that day, I was with colleagues just having fun after a really good business deal. I was jumping up and down and dancing to celebrate our PR success and wrap because it had been a long and stressful job. I wasn't planning to meet anyone but it just happened. It’s so funny, it was in Jakarta, I never hang out or party in Jakarta, I never dance with strangers and he was a stranger to me that day. My friends who were with me completely forgot about me and left me dancing with this stranger who became my husband, this is something we would never do to each other when we were out, we always had each other’s backs because there are some crazy people out there, but on this day I couldn't even find my friends, so I was left with this nice stranger. So yes it was destiny.

What was growing up like for you?

My childhood was normal not very easy. I lived in a small town and my parents were teachers. My mom was pretty relaxed but my father had serious high expectations for me. My parents were teachers, and so they really desired that I did extremely well at school, especially as the first child too so I could be a role model for my siblings and I did very well. I got scholarships for my junior high school and I really enjoyed school too. When I got to high school, everything changed, I left my small town to go to high school in the city. It was a terrible time, it was really awful Barbara, the girls there were very mean, I hardly had any friends, they didn't like me very much. They had cliques and were never interested in me because I wasn't as cool as they were, I didn't wear the cool clothes. I was a small town girl, they were city girls, they didn't like me because of my skin colour too because I am dark.

Wait a minute, what do you mean by dark? You aren't dark, I'm African, you are Asian...I am a bit confused.

Oh in Asia, I am considered dark skinned and not beautiful. Those who are much fairer in complexion are considered beautiful.

Oh my goodness, this is really strange, In Nigeria, we have light skinned girls and dark skinned girl like myself, no one places special emphasis on the colour, no one regards dark girls are ugly, I have heard about this from other countries like Pakistan and in India...

Well, yes Barbara, it is different in Indonesia. Also do not forget that in high school, my school was in the city, all the girls there were exposed to all the big brands that I had no clue about. They drove me so so crazy, depressed and de-motivated to stay in school.

How did you get over it Eska?

 The delicious tea we both shared.

Honestly, it was not very easy but I challenged myself, I said to myself, "now these people are looking down on me but I will work so hard with my life that they will all come back to look for me and want to be friends with me". So, during my college, I worked like crazy. I took a job while still in school, I got a job with a small advertising firm and was learning the practical parts while I was in school studying it. I also went to very many self-development programs.

No one really knew how hard I was working. The small firm I joined had my friend’s mother as their Accounts Executive, they needed someone but couldn't really afford to pay a huge salary to a graduate, so they hired me, gave me a little salary and taught me almost everything I know and didn't learn in school. I worked days and went to school in the evenings. By the time I finished college of course, many firms were ready to hire me because I was young but very experienced. So of course I was earning a very good pay, I was able to buy nice things for myself, make really good connections with people in the business world and go to nice places. Before you knew it I was very cool according to other people’s definition of cool. They started having a different perception of me.

Do you think today even as adults, we have mean girls?

Yes, but as adults we can manage people better. As a child it was much more difficult, I remember going home to my mom crying and asking her why my skin was dark because my sister had very light skin. My mom was so worried for me, she asked me if I wanted some creams to make me brighter. My mom was just a school teacher who wasn't making a lot of money yet she wanted to buy these expensive creams for me, to do anything to make me happy. When I started working, I took some vitamin C injections to lighten my skin because my mind was wired so differently, I thought I was inferior because of my skin colour. It is so crazy, my perception for this changed when I met my husband. He made me feel like I was perfect and didn't need to change a thing about myself. I used to wear long clothing to cover up, once, he had invited me to ride a motorcycle with him and so I wore a tank top, immediately people started gushing about my skin colour, my mind shifted from that very day.

Oh, Eska, I want every young girl going through this to read this?

Yeah, hopefully. These are the kinds of lessons people should hear about and learn from.

So do you think we still have mean girls even as adults today?

Eska doesn't tell people much,
she is really great at helping
others look beautiful, Got lashes?

Of course, lots and lots. I do not get close to such people. Once I notice a mean streak in anyone, I avoid them as much as possible. Some people pretend to be friends with others and speak so badly of them behind their backs, It is so crazy. I've met some people who say think that I am young and naive, they think I am in my twenties maybe because I am smallish, they know nothing about my life and tend to treat me a bit differently. I have had people who see me, see my husband and just make assumptions best known to their shallow minds and that just a very minor few, it doesn't bother me. If you don't know me, you can make up whatever assumption your crazy head allows.

Good one! I agree with you on that.  Yes you look really young with your beautiful and youthful face, what is your beauty secret? I've never seen you look less than perfect before.

Oh Barbara, That cannot be true. I am just me. I just buy things that look nice on me. I use moisturizers like every person, I think that once you are happy with yourself your inner beauty will shine out. I work out though, that helps too.

You have conquered a lot by being determined, what's something you have been through in life, that you never want your daughter to experience?

You know, (gets very emotional) I never want my daughter to have so much responsibility for anyone else like I have had, except by choice not just obligation. When my husband proposed to me, I got sick for days, because I knew I would be moving to another county where I wasn't sure I would make as much money as I was making at home, I was scared about not being able to speak English fluently.  I needed my job to continue supporting my family. I had been offered a higher paying job but was declined only because it was a western run company, my resume was perfect, I was the ideal candidate but because I couldn't do presentations in English, so that was scary, I was worried about not being able to support my family and that's a feeling I never want my daughter to have.

My shoes, I will always keep them, They are the first pair of shoes I
bought
when I started working. They remind me of how hard I have worked,
it also reminds me to stay humble.

Wait minute, are you saying you couldn't speak English?

No I couldn't. Eric taught me.

Eska, you are an extremely intelligent woman, Your English is more than average, You come across to me as though you have spoken English since you were a child, to learn a second language as an adult and speak it the way you do deserves accolades. I am really impressed and I applaud you dear.

Well, thank you. Eric has been extremely patient and very helpful I learned to speak from him.

I don't want to divert from what you have just shared with me. It is powerful. You are a giver, no one forced you to give to support your family, people are not that generous in the world we live in today, it is a dog eat dog world, I will fend for myself, you fend for yourself. That is why good things will continuously follow people who are selfless like yourself, who care for others and help them even more than they can.

I agree a million percent. That is exactly what happened to me. My husband became a pillar of support for me, he understood my pain of having to leave my job to become one with him, he helped to ease my burdens a lot. He is a model husband for all men whose wives sacrifice all they have to also support their husbands own dreams.

I wasn't used to spending anyone else's money, I spent my own money in Indonesia, when I married Eric, he had to ask me why I wasn't buying things for myself, I told him it was because I don't know how to spend someone else's money. It was really funny and strange, and we were able to resolve it.  So anyway, I want my daughter to not be saddled with any responsibility that is not hers.

This is your husbands’ second marriage, it is your first. How does it feel?

Thankfully we are all adults, no woman or man goes into marriage with the aim of failing, we all fail at different things. My husband knows that I have standards, I wouldn't go into a relationship with him if he was still in his first marriage. We got together after their marriage had ended. Emily loves her other siblings and they love her too. 

What do you dislike in people?

Disloyalty, people being negative is something I don't like.

How do you handle this?

I do not confront it, I just distance myself from the drama, too much in life to be happy about.

What does family mean to you?

Everything.

What does friendship mean to you?

Someone who supports you, who is truthful to you no matter what. That is real friendship.

What gives you Joy?

I find joy in everything Barbara, as long as I am alive, I will always be filled with Joy.

What makes you sad?

When I have to do something I really don't want to do.

Who is your role model in Life?

No one.

If you could get one wish, what would it be?

Nothing really. I am content.

Who do you admire most in life?

My husband, he taught me so much, to speak English for example, he was extremely patient. I love the way he loves me and his family not just me and Emily, He is a friend, a brother and a husband.

What are your dreams?

Hmmm, before it was being really successful in my career, now it just to continue being happy and as content as I am.

What's in your bag Eska?

Emilys things, wallet, phone, keys. I.D cards

Lets take a look Barbara.

What do you want the world to always remember you for?

Hmm. That I was a good person, a good mother, a good wife and a good friend.

Eska, thank you for sharing with me. Keep shinning and keep being a  beautiful light.

Suzanne Billingsly, Special and Full of Sweet Surprises

Suzanne is not the regular girl next door. She is feisty, fun and fearless. This.

Woman.is. On. FIRE!

When Suzanne married, she adopted her son Micheal lovingly and welcomed him into her home. In the time we spent together we talked about him and the challenges that come from raising a child with special needs. We also talked about marriage and spirituality. She is very honest and very poetic. Read between the lines and you will find yourself falling in love with this sensible yet sassy woman.

What does family mean to you?

Everything.

What are you learning about life?

That I cannot fix everything, that money is an opportunity but not critical to happiness.

Do you believe in life after death?

I believe in this, I believe in God. I am Christian. I believe Jesus Christ is my Savior.  I will also tell you this, in my twenties, I read a book called Many Lives, Many Masters. To me, it was the most compelling argument for re-incarnation and here is what I have decided. The Bible is my truth but I don’t believe in a literal hell. I have decided that, for the sake of argument, this life on earth is actual hell. In other words, I don't believe there is any place we go when we die that we are actually tortured. We come here to learn lessons and then once we reach the expectations of God,  we can get our place in Heaven.

So are you saying that you believe people will keep coming back for ever and ever and the world will never end?

Oh the world will end. That's in the Bible...

So what do you think will happen to the people who as you say have not yet learned their lesson on earth?

They will fall to the ground, evaporate. Disappear! They will be just gone.

Well, we can agree to disagree on that. I believe what the bible says on heaven and hell..

Sure I agree with you, I know that my belief is not an accurate biblical teaching but it is what I believe about life.

What has life taught you?

 I am the parent of an adopted, eighteen year old son and an almost five year old daughter.  I can tell you that raising children at such different stages of life is a massive challenge.  My son has had many challenges in life; those challenges have helped me to be less judgmental about anyone or anything, you never know what a person is going through or dealing with at home.

What is your biggest regret in life?

I know this is cliche, but I have lived my life purposely not to have regrets.  Of course I have made mistakes but they aren't regrets. I feel like everything I have ever needed to do, I have done it at some point.

If you could go back to your twenties or thirties, what is one thing you would like to do over?

Absolutely nothing...actually, I take that back. I would have done Botox earlier  (Laughter) I know that is very surface-y, but I actually mean it. We both know that I am not a shallow person.

For the benefit of people like myself who know next to zero about Botox apart from it being injections of youth, what exactly is Botox?

Barbara, you should Google it.  You go to a dermatologist or cosmetic doctor and they administer a drug, which comes from the rainforest, because everything good comes from the rainforest.  I think it might actually be lethal.  It paralyses the muscle so that your face remains smooth.  I also use it for medical reasons to limit my migraines but those injection sites are totally different.

And what is its typical cost?

Well, it depends on how much you need, what areas, such and such.

And what areas on  the face do people typically use it for?

Crows feet, side of the eyes, forehead.

So if for example I went to the dermatologist, what areas would they say I need it for Suzanne?

Well, Barbara, Africans typically have very good skin textures and hardly ever get wrinkles early on. Anyway I would say you don't need it now.

You know Suzanne, in my tiny head, Botox is expensive, how affordable is it? I am sure some of our readers may be interested.

It's about $400 to $600 every six months.

Is it painful?

No, it is just little pinches, nothing you cannot bear.

Do you see the benefits immediately?

No, about ten days later.

What do you think has been your greatest gift in life?

That's a difficult question, I think it is becoming a Christian. For me, Christianity came later in life  when I really understood the gift of faith and love; these are the greatest gifts from God.

What is the biggest challenge you have parenting a child with special needs?

I would say, not liking the child sometimes. In a moment,  kids with special needs do impulsive things, it is hard to explain, because it seldom makes any sense.  I realize all kids do impulsive things but usually you can figure out why or reason with the child.  A child with special needs often has a totally different thought path so, you never learn the why behind an action.  It can be anxiety inducing.  For the moment, you do not like your child. You always love them but to not like them can be an overwhelming emotion.  It is hard and nasty when you feel like you don't like your child, who was put on earth for you to love.
For me that is the hardest part internally, there are other times too, like when he gets aggressive. Emotionally, it is knowing that you have to deal with it day in, day out.

What do you say to a mother who just discovered her child has special needs?

I will admit that it is hard.  It is okay to be mad and sad about it. What is not okay to do, is try to deny it. The best advice I could give is, go to the ends of the earth to find out the very best possible way to help your child.  Do not be scared about asking questions, about medication or about the amount of work that comes with a solution. Just find out what the best care for your child is and take it step by step, never stop fighting for your child. Early detection is key and you cannot decide to deny complete love for your child no matter what the diagnosis. Do not be scared of allowing your child to fail. No matter how much you try to teach your child, you need to also help them find their own motivation, not your motivation. Helping a child find their own motivation can be challenging and exhausting for a parent but it is important.  All children, regardless of their abilities or disabilities, need to fail at something to win at the end.  Failure is growth.

Special needs is on the rise, it has different layers too. Do you think that it is getting enough attention in our world today? 

 A lot of parents are in denial because it can be heartbreaking; its the mourning of an idea you had about this child you carried. Yes, I think it is getting more attention and people are getting more aware, but the thing is, often times, parents want to make excuses for their children to cover up any abnormalities.  This is often because they are in denial.  They do not want their children to be labelled or put in a box. I can appreciate this but its not doing the child any favors.  On the other hand, I also think the acceptance levels have increased as awareness soars. There is an approach that I find uncomfortable though.  The whole holistic approach. It can be damaging. It is great to have faith and believe that things will be well,  but while you are believing, please do right by your child and seek help from professionals in the medical field.

I have heard people say the medication offered to children with special needs messes up their psyche, they say there are other approaches to helping children instead of a cocktail of drugs, what do you believe is right or wrong?

I will say this, therapy and counseling is great, including behavioral modification programs. I think they are a good way to start, but if a child's brain is not working properly then there is some kind of chemical imbalance.  Chemicals imbalances will not just go away. For instance, my son's frontal lobe does not work properly and that affects his impulse control. If this isn't properly taken care of, it is not only dangerous to others, but also to himself.  It is every parents' responsibility to help their child with medical approaches, otherwise you are doing a disservice to the community. When you see these mass shootings at schools, more often than not, it is a child who has had some problems which his or her parents have overlooked. I admit it is not easy to get the proper medication or to get a proper diagnosis. Still, you don't give up.  You never give up.

What is the best part of parenting for you?

For me, when I see the fruits of my labour.  For example, when I plant seeds about God into their minds and I hear it come out of their mouth.

What is your new year resolution?

I don't make new year resolutions.

Is there something you want to achieve this year?

I would love to continue living and being there for my family.

How do you make life easier for yourself despite some of the challenges you have?

With prayer. I take my job of being a mother and a wife very seriously, I cook six times a week and I enjoy doing it, It is not a burden for me to raise my children and take care of my home.

Before you got married, you worked full time. How has the transition affected you?

You know the truth is running a home is a full time job too, you just do not get paid materially for that,  when my daughter says things like mommy you do not go to work, I admit it is like a dagger to my heart sometimes, but raising her and her brother is a job in its own right.

As a modern woman, how important is it to show respect to your husband and how do  you show respect to him?

I can be very traditional with things even though I am truly a modern woman, my husband leads prayer, he gets served first, he sits at the head of the table, we make decisions together but I let him take the lead on that unless I think it isn't a great one which hardly happens. I enjoy taking care of my household and that includes giving my husband his honour and respect.

You said you let your husband sit at the head of the table, if you had guests and someone accidentally sat in his chair what would you do?

I would nicely tell them that was my husbands seat. There is nothing wrong with that.

What if the person got offended?

Well then he or she should go to etiquette school to find out about seating arrangements outside of his or her home. I don't understand why anyone should be offended by that honestly.

Suzanne I know that you a very proper girl and always well put together, do you think you judge a person by their appearance sometimes?

To be honest, I think we all do. Sometimes we judge a person based on what their outside is like, by the way they act, the first impression is critical, but I stay open and let the person make me change my mind. It happened to me last week, I was assigned a new doctor without my consent and I was unhappy about it, when I first saw him I didn't quite like him but after our meeting I was won over. He was thorough, very patient, and I left feeling like I had completely misjudged him. I think we all initially make a first judgement about a person but we must let our minds stay open always.

What is the best advice your mother has ever given you?

She always said always be able to take care of yourself, don't rely on others for things.

What advice would you give your daughter when she is eighteen?

Oh I would have told her before she turns eighteen, but I would always want her to know that she is enough. She doesn't need make up or anything, that she is more than enough, that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.

I've known you for a while and I admire your parenting skills, would you ever correct other parents?

I wish I could but then, everyone is entitled to how they raise their children, if you are my friend and I see something wrong I will say it. I am not afraid to do that. I would never judge anyone on how they raise their children however I do not have to like it, I also control who my daughter plays with.

At the beginning of our interview you talked about a book you read which influenced some of your thoughts, what book are you currently reading?

Well I read my daughter a book at bedtime.  It is hard to have some me time to read my own books lately.

Sometimes as women journey on in marriage raising their children, they hardly get me time as you just said and they quite often lose themselves, how have you managed to not lose you? What is your number one tip for self development for women who have been swallowed up by running a home?

I have to tell you the truth, I cannot relate to that, I know it happens and I can't say that it's not like I haven't ever fallen into that before but I just happen to be able to pick myself up and keep going, I have a life outside of my husbands shadow because it is just who I am, I have enough time to raise our children and find fulfillment doing that.

Do you think a woman can have it all, a balanced home, a career?

No I do not think so. This is because I do not think you can be in two places at once. Raising a child is a full time commitment. It doesn't mean I think all women should stay home, but at the end of the day, I just do not think it is that easy.

What do you think every woman must know or what advice would you give every woman?

Be authentic, take the time to know what that means for you and to you. Know thyself. Find out who you are and never let that go.

Suzanne, what do you want the world to know about you when you are long gone?

That I was passionate, committed, loyal. I am not always a winner, but I do everything with passion and that I did my best.

What are your dreams?

That my Children turn out to be great and good people, I want the world to be effective and efficient, that I can help my children to be very productive.

What is your greatest fear?

That the world will continue to be so unkind.

How do you think we can fix that?

One moment at a time and I think it starts in your home.

Interesting...this is a very profound moment for me...

Thank you Oprah!  (Laughter!)

Charity does truly begin at home, I loved what you just said. What do we teach our children, what values do we teach them so that they can be better than us and those that were before us?

I think that we can teach them how to give, to be kind and generous. It really is that simple but we can't just teach without modelling it. It is being able to care for others. You are and we are our children's best teachers by how we live out our lives every single day.

As a wife, what is your greatest priority?

Q is for Quality Time

Keeping my husband very satisfied

 And how do you do that?

By making sure we have lunch together.

What is the secret to a happy marriage?

Lunch. You can put that in quotations.

What do you mean by Lunch? Did I miss the innuendo in "Lunch"? Do you mean devouring each other or actual food?

Well, you said it.

Do you think "lunch" is the number one ingredient for a successful marriage?

Look, I will tell you this, the number one thing every man wants from his woman is intimacy, I am sure most men will agree to this. Everything else is a bonus. I have asked my husband and he told me  being able to cook food daily is a huge bonus not a requirement.

What is a mans greatest need?

Intimacy.

Isn't it respect? Doesn't every man crave that?

It is not going to keep him warm and that is a need. Haven't you seen a woman yell at a husband and her husband still comes home to her? Yes respect is needed and very important but lunch is the number one need.

What is a womans greatest need?

Affirmation and it can come in different ways, I love my husbands compliments and I truly appreciate it and if he didn't do it, I wouldn't be very happy.

Well divorces seem to be on the rise and more often that not, infidelity isn't even the reason, people cite irreparable differences and so on, what do you think could be causing this?

Well, infidelity is usually the result of the problem not a reason, these days everyone wants all sorts of validation and admiration so if a man or woman is lacking that in their marriage then anything can happen, so both parties are to blame.

Whose responsibility do you think it is, to keep a marriage intact?

The woman.

And how can she do that?

By being loving, by being interesting, a woman has the ability to elicit a change from her husband by telling him what she wants, all a woman needs to do is ask, talk and show.

How can a woman keep her marriage intact?

Date nights are good, quality time.

How do we do this? Our lives are so busy running the home, it is pretty exhausting for most women already.

You have to schedule it and no one should make excuses for that, where there is a will, there is a way. It should be done as often as possible.

What do you think the world needs right now?

Tolerance and love.

Fashion Trivia

Beauty Secret?

Concealer.

Jeans or Dresses

Dresses

Favourite shade of lipstick?

Nude

Mani or pedicure, if you could only choose one?

Pedicure.

Best gift husband has ever given you

Our daughter.

What makes you feel sexy?

Stilettos.

How can a woman stay sexy?

Stilettos. They slim you out, makes your legs longer, gives you a beautiful walk. Stilettos.

Thanks so much for sharing my couch and talking to me. All the best with everything.

 

 

Thabo Maria Key. Passionate and Purpose Driven

Two days ago, I met Thabo at her beautiful home. We scheduled her interview for 1pm. At 4pm we had not had the interview. Thabo knocked me off my feet with her depth, as I made small talk with her, we ended up spending the whole day having serious girl to girl talk but no interview.  This woman is not only beautiful on the outside, her inside is what the french call Manifique' I spent hours listening to her talk about the issues of life and more, you name it, she knew it. Her wealth of knowledge is mysterious yet very enlightening. Our conversation skipped the surface, from life to death, out of body experiences, our fears and dreams, hopes and aspirations, she completely took my breath away. We had to reschedule our interview and I was able to squeeze a little bit more out of her, enjoy and be lifted.

Your bag is gorgeous, what is in it?

My purse which holds my Cash and I.D, Make up and just basic items.

Items in Thabo's Bag

Thabo, I have a very deep love for South Africa because of their history, to me every South African can sing really beautifully, I have always believed that they sing from a place of pain, the pain of their struggle...you are south African, what does it feel like to come from a country with such a beautiful yet emotional history and more so a place where the great Nelson Mandela came from?

Barbara, how do I explain this? Everywhere you go and you tell people you are from South Africa, they immediately ask me about Nelson Mandela, I am very proud of him. He gave Africans in south Africa the freedom that we have today, He played a really important role not just for Africans in South Africa but all over the world. I feel really proud of my country

South Africa has gone through a lot, has the country truly healed?

Nelson Mandela courtesy Google Images

To be honest not exactly because there are still a lot of racial tensions, We still have people who think Africans are less than they are and that is such a shame. These people still teach these untruths to their children and so the cycle continues all over again like a very vicious cycle.

How do we change this story? It isn't just South Africa, It is all over the world. For the sake of our children and their children, how can we change this?

I honestly do not know, I believe that spreading love... keep on loving everyone. Love always wins. If people could be more tolerant of each other, we would have less of these problems.

Your children are mixed, do mixed heritage children have it easier in South Africa?

Not very much, it is a little bit easier but they are still considered black by those who are small minded, as if being black is bad. So we need to teach our African children to understand that they great, powerful and that they are not less of human beings... and this is not just Africans, Asians go through these same issues even within themselves too. Our narrative also needs to change, we need to portray ourselves as better people than others have portrayed us in the media. 

I agree Thabo, what makes you happy?

Thabo and family

My children, they give me a joy I cant explain in words.

What makes you mad?

Ignorant people. People who are closed minded, who think things should always be done their way, people who are not welcoming to other people, their cultures, their experiences. People who can not understand that even though we may appear different, that we are the same in fact. People who don't understand why someone else can be vegetarian, be from a different ethnic group or race, ignorant people make me mad.

Thabo with some of her make up products

What are your dreams?

I am enjoying being a beautician, I love to look well put together. I love make up, fashion, hair. After I finished high school I started working as a beautician, I started doing facials, make up you name it, by my first month I started getting so many clients and I was truly amazed, it was then I realized that, that was my passion. Making people beautiful. I always liked make up but never knew that I would end up doing that for others. I find it more and more fulfilling and fun at the same time. My dream is to continue running it and building up my brand making others look beautiful. I believe every one is already beautiful but I enjoy enhancing peoples looks.

What is your greatest fear?

It would be losing a loved one. I don't even want to imagine the sort of pain that comes with that. I know that death is part of life but the thought of my loved ones dying  terrifies me.

Have you ever lost someone that you love dearly? 

No. I haven't lost anyone who's death has truly filled me with so much pain yet. I have not lot anyone who I hold very very dear.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

Find something that you love and you won't remember  is work.

What do you think women could do less of to live better lives? 

A lot of women are too hard on themselves, men are different in that regard. Sometimes we are too critical and judgmental of each other. We tend to judge each other based on silly things such as what we wear, how we parent, things that do not really matter. We make assumptions based on things we wear or do not wear and it is sad that we have sort of allowed ourselves to become this way. Instead of lifting each other up we constantly tear each other down, we forget that we are all in the same boat. Life has so many layers, I expect women to be kinder, we have no idea what other people are going through but we are always ready with our assumptions of them to attack instead of protecting and supporting. We forget that we all need each other.

That's truly interesting, do you think you are living a fulfilling life right now? Do you judge yourself?

I am changing my mindset now. I used to have a different idea of fulfillment, however now I know that I am on a journey to where I want to be. I am achieving, I am meeting my goals and that is all that matters despite what the society sets as a standard for fulfillment. Each day, my mind is renewed and I am blessed.

Thabo, you described yourself to me as a spiritual person, what does spirit mean to you?

Spirit is the the inner you and that is the real you, the you that is not covered with make up, It is the honest and transparent you. It is something that everyone has. The spirit is powerful, your spirit can pick up signals,  it knows things that you cannot explain. For example you have your head thinking capability and your heart thinking capability, the spirit gives you information, signals to things you do not know by reasoning. Sometimes you sit next to a person and you can just sense an inner beauty without the person  saying a word to you or doing anything special, that is your spirit showing you. Spirit and soul are connected.

Talking about soul, do you believe that a woman's soulmate can only be her husband?

I believe there are different kinds of soul mates, your soulmate can be your child, a friend, or family. Yes your soul mate can also be your husband.

Have you ever had a near death experience?

Yes, when I was younger maybe between eight and ten years old, I almost drowned. I think it's this experience that still hasn't allowed me to learn to swim. You know I was swimming and all of a sudden, I felt like my feet couldn't touch the ground, I started struggling and I started seeing the blueness of the water, after sometime, I started seeing lights, I stopped fighting the water. It became like I could breathe under the water, then I started to see flashes of my life, different experiences I had with people, good things, silly things, funny things but it was more about how I impacted the people in the flashes. It was how I made them feel, Barbara do you see why the way you impact someones life is very important? How you make someone feel, how you treat them is so important in life? Do we leave people better than we met them? It was and still is a teachable moment for me. 

That is so powerful, do you remember what happened after?

Someone got me out, they might have given me CPR and then I woke up and that was it.

Wow! Who is your hero?

It is my mother, It know it very cliche but it is true. My mother is an orphan. Her father died before she was born and her mother died few months after she was born. She was the youngest sibling. She was raised by her grandmother and you can imagine that. Her grandmother also passed away, she had me when she was sixteen and my sister at eighteen. However despite her young age and not much of an example on how to raise children, she did such a phenomenal work with us, we aren't perfect but we have turned out so very well so thank God.

Thabo you are a Make Up Artist, what is make up to you? When you make someone up, what story are you trying to tell?

My major goal is always to enhance whoever  I work on. Everyone is beautiful and so I always enhance their best assets and make them look more polished. I usually look at my clients face and help them appreciate their beauty even more than they ever did. For me make up is art, It is also an escape for me into a very happy place, when you are passion filled for something and it is your job then you have the best job in the world.

As a professional make up artist, how do you tell someone that their make up is wrongly applied?

I never ever do, If you are my friend I will offer to help you fix it but I'll never say to them that they have done it wrong. You know Barbara, as long as their lives are not in danger, I don't feel it is necessary to point it out to them, I don't want to offend anyone.

Thabo, what do you miss most about your family back at home?

Everything. I miss the smell of home, the togetherness, the visits, there truly is no place like home.

As women we have and form friendships and sometimes those friendships can go south, have you experienced betrayal in friendships and how did you deal with it?

Oh yes, the way I handle betrayals is very severe because I am a very loyal person, if you are my friend, then you are my friend and I will never stab you in the back, if you do that to me, I just cut you off, the friendship is gone because I cannot trust you and if I cannot trust you, then why should you be in my circle? Yes I can forgive because that's what God wants us to do, I can still love you but loving you from a distance is best. I am working on being more forgiving. When you hurt me I typically just stay away from you. 

How do you handle conflict in relationships?

Relationships are easy and they are hard, when I first moved here I met people from different places and with different attitudes to friendships than the norm of what should be. I am used to, my business is my business unless I involve you, however people just seemed to be in other peoples businesses and that truly irked me, so I did the same thing, stay away. I am not a confrontational person so I will rather not let things degenerate, I just quietly stay away before it gets to a conflict zone. 

Can you usually tell if someone is genuinely a good person or not?

Yes, I usually go with my instinct, the mind is a really good thing that guides you.

Whats your top tip for happiness

Be Positive always. Pull yourself up if you fall.

What is it like when you go back home, has your friendships with friends changed?

Not really, I am still the same me. Depending where I am, I  can adapt to my surroundings. When I go back home life doesn't stop, it continues, no need to put up a show.

Talking about that, what is like when you are back home with your husband who is Caucasian and you are African? I know there are a lot of inter marriages in South Africa....

Well, yes and no. Racial tensions will always be there, mine is slightly different because my husband is older than I am, people look at you and make their own assumptions of the most shallow things sometimes, the language barrier can be a bit tricky for my husband too because he is not south African, sometimes people just judge you for choosing someone different from you, thankfully our families support us and love us very much that matters a lot.

What are you most grateful for?

For all my experiences, they have shaped me up, I have come a long way and I am not there yet but I'm on my way there and that's' really good. I want to continue being a loving person, I'm grateful for friends and family.

Favourite things.

Thabo's bag

Favourite daytime look: Girly Dresses, I am a girly girl. As a woman, remain feminine, take care of yourself, wear some lipstick or lip gloss, a little mascara, it opens up your eyes, you eyes are the windows to your soul, it attracts people to you. Tidy up your hair, it doesn't have to be much but brush it at least.

Favourite Perfume?

Lancome, la vie est belle

Heels or flats?

With kids flats, with my friends, out in town, Heels

Lipstick or eye shadow?

 Lipstick

Dresses or pants? 

Dresses

Hair extensions or Natural hair?

 I love my extensions, I love the Volume it gives

Favourite lipstick colour?

 Vibrant colors

Thabo and gift from wimb?

Favourite nail polish colour?

 Red

Designer lover or Not?

 I do not care for designer brands much. If it looks good on me, I'm happy. 

Thanks Thabo, It has been such a pleasure talking to you. Enjoy your new bag.

No, Thank you.