When I visited Shahd at her home, I
couldn't help but admire her beautiful home. Whenever I am there I feel like I
am on a yacht, maybe it's the nautical lines she has as a wall paper in her
home. I don’t know exactly, but it is a calm and interesting place to be.
The first time I visited Shahd,
it must have been a year or two ago, believe it or not, we met to talk about
religion. We had a very peaceful and enjoyable discussion, she asked me a lot
of questions and I did too, we were able, at least for me, to have a better
understanding of each other’s religion, of course we did not agree on
everything but it was very enjoyable and very enlightening too. We planned to
meet again but the business of our lives took over.
This time I met with her to talk about
a totally different and a wide array of topics, I tell you honestly, I laughed
more than actually interviewed her. Shahd is very witty as she is sharp. This
woman has a mind and a voice of her own and it is a very strong voice, a voice
that she continues to use to advocate for issues that are closest to her heart.
I applaud that tenacity every time I see a post on her social media page. She truly
is a phenomenal woman.
Get comfortable, dig in and enjoy my
time with her. Blessings!
Shahd tell me about yourself?
I'm an ordinary person, as a youngster I wanted to be a dentist but then
I majored in communications, extremely different. I wanted to be the best
dentist but things turned out different.
What was growing up like for you?
It was so much fun. I have two sisters and one brother. I am in the
middle. I grew up in Oman. My parents left Sudan in the eighties. They left
because the situation in Sudan wasn't really good. I was told that there was an
Eid period going on the time, they needed to buy shoes for my sister and they
couldn't find any to buy for her, they were like a country that can’t provide
us with the simplest things, shoes… they wanted to leave.
Shahd, I understand, as your African
sister, I know the situation. Our African countries have tons of issues that I
believe can be fixed, I feel like if we keep running away from our problems who
is going to fix it for us, I would have said to myself, no shoes in Sudan? Time
to open up the biggest shoe factory ever.
They would have Barbara, My mom was a doctor and my father a flight engineer,
He was with the army and the situation in the country was not good at all. A
better life for us meant leaving at the time. My father had the opportunity at
the same time to go to the USA, but he turned it down. He had the letter of
admission from a school in California. He chose Oman. At the time opening a business was not even an option, the only option was to move for the full benefit of the family.
What was Oman like then?
Very beautiful, the people were very down to earth, very welcoming, we
got to experience their culture which is similar to ours, we still have friends
from there till this day. When I go to Oman, I still visit my friends.
What's the most important thing to you as a woman, wife and a mother?
Right now, it is to be a good role model for my children. With the
advent of electronics and the media it is almost impossible, I'll give you an example, my son used to
play a game called fortnight which I disallowed. This game lets you speak to
strangers online and play games with them. I explained to him that playing with
people you do not know can be very dangerous, at first he tried to explain but I
stood my ground, we all have to do what is best for our children. Even my
youngest Serene is three years old now and copies everything I do, for my
daughters, I believe they need a good role model. What they see you do is what
they will do, not necessarily what you say. In this age I believe I can teach
my children better by being an example so being a good role model is the best
way I can.
I know you always wear your Niqab dear,
who will be making the decisions for your daughters? Do they decide for
themselves when the time comes or do you think because you wear it, they will
be influenced to wear it as well?
My daughters get to make their own choice in fact my older daughter
already told me she isn't going to wear it. (Laughs) Maryam said to me, "I
love you mom and I respect your decisions but I'm not going to wear it, I’m
just going to wear a headscarf like your mom" that’s her grandma, and I
told her, that was amazing too.
What influenced your decision to wear
the Niqab? I'm wondering because I just learned your mom doesn't wear it.
You know it started with one of my African American friends from
Chicago, she still lives there. When I came to the USA I was eighteen, I
had just married my husband and we lived in Illinois. I used to wear just the
headscarf then. She used to wear the whole garment. At time though, she had not
started wearing the whole covering. I asked her why she wore the entire
garments, the Niqab, gloves and more when she started. We were both
Muslims, with different outlooks, you can imagine the conversation we had. I came from the Middle East just wearing
my headscarf and modest clothing, she was from the USA and completely covered.
She told me, life is short, we are not going to live forever and I just want to
please God. I thought well, I want to please God as well, but I don't wear that
sort of garment. She explained to me that the wives of the prophets wore the
face veil and that's how our conversations deepened. I started researching it
more. I had never thought of the face veil before, I always thought it was for
extremists. A few months after us having these discussions because remember she
wasn't entirely covered when we met, then she started to wear the face veil,
the Niqab.
Later on, another friend went to an Islamic convention and brought back
a face veil for me as a gift, I had never mentioned to her about me researching
the topic of wearing face veils or not. I asked her why she got this particular
gift for me, she said, “it is just a gift, you can choose to wear it or not”.
Anyway I started to talk to my husband about it. He told me, it was not his
decision but between myself and God, so I asked him to bring me some tapes
about the face veil. He asked one of his friends who sent me some of the CD's,
his friend was very encouraging. I started listening to these tapes and one
day, I woke up, stood in front of the mirror and put it on. The minute I put it
on, I felt like I was going to suffocate. (Laughs) I took it off. The next day,
I encouraged myself by telling myself, it is just a piece of cloth, it won’t
kill me and if I feel uncomfortable I can take it off.
Anyway, my husband got a new job and we moved to California, by then I
had decided I would wear it when I moved there. Now, California is a very open
society, I had moved to a very wealthy city, Santa Barbara, very fancy place,
Oprah had a house there, it was really the place to be but I decided that I
would wear it there no matter what. Anyways, that's how I started to wear the
veil.
So, what was the first experience venturing out with the face veil like?
Oh! I'll never forget. I went to K Mart with my husband, the minute I
walked in people began staring at me like I was a celebrity but I knew it
wasn't the look of admiration, it was a look of shock. My husband kept asking
me if I was okay. A lady walked up to me, actually to my face and starred at me
right in the eye with her mouth open, It was so shocking, I was shocked, she
was shocked and then she ran away from me. I stood there crying. I started
sobbing like crazy, I asked my husband if he saw what happened, he hadn't. I
explained everything to him and he told me that she just wanted to see if I had
eyes, that made me laugh a bit. Of course I have eyes, she should have known
that or just ask me, I mean of course I have eyes and I can see, I am not going to fall. She should have simply asked me. I was pretty shaken by
the episode, anyway, I went back to the car and sat there.
So, if I can understand you, your
decision to wear the Niqab comes from a place of wanting to be very
modest?
Actually, more to please God. In Islam, the mothers of the believers
were the ones who wore it, the mothers of the believers were the wives of the
prophets. It was a must for them to wear the face veils but not compulsory for
the other women.
Why was this compulsory for the wives?
It was to protect them, so other men couldn't see them and also to help
them stay modest. When I decided to wear mine, I saw a show that had an Islamic
teacher teaching about modesty and a lady asked him and said it was very hard
for her because of how the society looks down on women who choose to do this
and how people misinterpreted it as being an extremist, he said to her,
"my daughter, it is not a must for you to wear the face veil, however, if
you want to follow the lifestyle of the mothers of the believers, then you
should, only if you want to.
Do you sometimes feel that people treat
you differently because you made this decision for yourself?
Oh yes! A lot. Even in Santa Barbara, You know me Barbara, I am very
social, when I went to meet the Muslims in the community, I found out that I
had provoked unknowingly, a huge debate in the community. People were
wondering, why is she so friendly? Why is she talking to men and women? It was
ridiculous. While I was there, we had a lady Muslim scholar visit us also, she
did not cover her hair and she believed covering the hair was not part of the
religion. Then these people started to think, well Shahd covers but she is very
social. They felt I shouldn't be with them. It was just unbelievable. Other
people too, just look at me strangely, you don't even take a little bit of time
to know me, but because I wear a Niqab, unconsciously in their minds, they have
labelled me an extremist.
Yes, we
have a lot of unconscious biases in the world today, it is sad but it is true. On
a lighter note, how do your children find you, when you are outside for example
because you are covered? It must be difficult if there are other women around
you covered the same way as well.
(Laughs) they don't. They do not even like me in my Niqab very
much when we are outside, it's like they say to me jokingly, do not tell anyone
you are our mother, (we are both laughing at this statement) I'm like Maryam, I
am your mother, I am not going to do that.
Well, Shahd let us admit it, it must be
difficult for children who live in a very diverse community where wearing a
Niqab can be viewed a little bit awkwardly because very many people are not
exposed to it. For example, my eight year old had some friends over the other
day, it was quite late and I was worried their parents would be worried so I
asked them if they were ready to go home, My daughter immediately grabbed my
hand and whispered in my ears that I was embarrassing her by asking her friends
to go home indirectly!
Yes, I agree, over here most people who see me in the Niqab do not want
to be associated with me for whatever reason but those who know me and meet me
stick around because I am very friendly, I love meeting people. My little one
doesn't recognize me outside, my older ones can through my eyes most times
because of the glasses I wear.
Shahd, most people sometimes feel like
a woman who wears a Niqab is repressed, I know you personally and know for a
fact that it is not so in your case, you have a voice Shahd and you are not
afraid to speak up for anything. Tell me a little bit about this, I feel like
it is important to know that not all women who wear Niqabs are enslaved.
Exactly! When I was in the USA, remember when France a made decision to
stop women from wearing the face veils. I was one of the firsts who stood up
against this decision. I felt like it violated what the western world advocates
which makes us all so proud of them, basic fundamental human rights. So I
started a movement and I was going to protest. My father disallowed me, He was
trying to protect me because he knew a lot of people would not understand me.
He did not want me to be labelled, the women in my family do not wear the Niqab
except a woman who is a very distant relative, so I did come off as a little
bit extra when I started to wear the face veil. I understood my father was
trying to protect me and I obeyed him. That is choice that I made. I do not want
to be linked with terrorism because somebody misunderstands me however, I will
continue to use my voice to challenge the trampling of human rights. I respect my husband and my father but my mind is controlled by myself.
Your children speak how many languages?
They speak English and Arabic, I speak, English, Arabic and Rotana. Rotana
is a Sudanese sub language.
What do you think about Terrorism?
Unfortunately, everybody links terrorism with the face veil. It is not
as if I am saying everyone victimizes us but sometimes it does feel that way. A
woman who wears a face veil and is Muslim is looked on as if, she is not living
her life to the fullest, I feel like it is my responsibility to redefine
terrorism.
So what is Terrorism?
For me, if you do something that is against nature, killing someone, you
can terrorize yourself too by abusing yourself in a harmful way. Harming the
community, harming people. I feel the media doesn't define it correctly. When a
Muslim does something in the Western World for example, it is terrorism when it
is a non-Muslim, then it is a mental case.
Do you condemn terrorism?
Of course I do. Absolutely. I condemn every kind of terrorism.
On your Facebook page, I've seen you
openly condemn activities in Sudan you home country, what is that exactly
about?
There has been some political unrest in Sudan. A lot of Sudanese
do not want the current president in power, He does not want to step down. He
keeps calling people unprintable names like unbelievers just because we have
asked him to step down, he has some international support, these countries keep
meddling in our business, it is heart breaking, why? For how long will African
countries begin to have such horrible leaders? A doctor was killed just because
he was helping protesters that were hurt? I use my page to lend my voice for
liberation.
Shahd, what else can we do to continue to help our African country leaders do better, I think about the future of my children, I want them to be able to live in their home country and enjoy being there and that is why I'm getting interested and motivated to get involved in politics these days…
I don't know. It is a difficult situation. I want to go to Sudan and put
in my best efforts, to help in also getting the government to step down from
being there and really doing nothing for the past thirty years. This year it
will be thirty one years..
Wow! That is sad, it has been too long.
It is just not right. This is me, a Niqab wearing girl who people feel
that I am enslaved wearing my Niqab, opening up my mouth and heart, I live the
life I want to live, openly calling out our government, People do not see this
side of my life that I am regular, they just see a girl wearing a Niqab and oh,
she has to be enslaved, she has no voice, and she has no mind of her own. What
a world we live in. People need to learn that being judgmental is wrong, ask
questions like you are doing, find out more, do not be closed minded because of
what the media is feeding you, do your research then, you can make your own
judgement.
I couldn't agree more, Shahd I am so glad that you said these words, It is
imperatively important, this is what, what is in my bag? is all about, showing
the parts of ourselves that people do not know, misunderstand or just misjudge.
In Sudan, the nation split up recently,
what is the current religious group of both nations and are both countries
reconciled with each other?
The Southern Sudanese are Christians and the Northern Sudanese are
Muslims. Honestly Barbara, before Al Bashir, the relationship was like butter
and honey. It was very good. We had no problems with each other. An educated
man from the South, John Garang, went and had a talk with the Northern Sudanese
government, it was a peaceful talk and suddenly he was killed. It was a
plane crash they said, other argued that he was killed and God knows the truth
about how he died. Then the problems started. The chaos that ensued was
unbelievable, people from both sides started killing each other.
That is really pathetic, it is sad when
peace is trying to make a way forward and chaos takes over and takes a
situation backwards, does your country have any natural resources? What part if
yes?
In south Sudan, there is Oil. The North might have but I am not sure.
So is South Sudan independent of the North? Do you need a visa to visit the South?
Yes it is. Honestly, I am not sure but I believe Northern Sudanese
should be able to visit the south freely. I wish I could visit South Sudan but
the situation is bleak, the country has issues too.
Shahd, I want to digress a bit. How do
you personally view a woman who is not modestly covered, what are your initial
views towards her?
(Laughs) You know honestly, I don't care. Once in the USA, a woman
walked into the mosque in a mini skirt, her blouse was open and revealing. I
was not mad or upset but at the back of my mind I thought, why is she walking
into a religious place dressed like that? I was just worried about the men’s
reactions, so I went to ask her if she wanted anything, she told me she just
wanted to ask about Islam, so one of the women gave her an abaya and asked her
to please just cover a little bit. For me, if you are immodestly dressed as
long as you are not harming me or my family, I am fine with you.
What is one thing you want to always be remembered for?
Well, that I was honest, very social even though a lot of people do not
know that part of me, I am such a social butterfly.
What has life taught you Shahd?
A lot, I thank God that I am healthy and fine, a lot of people have
shown their true colours by how they have acted, in life we all get the
good, bad and the ugly especially more so, when you wear a face veil. People
treat you differently, make assumptions about you and yes I may miss out on
being maybe invited to social gatherings, I guess people are thinking, it may
be uncomfortable for me but it isn't. I eat whatever you spread out as long as
there is no pork or alcohol in it. I will make good conversation with anyone
willing. I am just regular, get to know me that is all. Life has taught me that
people can be very judgmental but you know what? The good ones will stay, they
will get to know you, they will be good friends and that is more important to
me. We thank God for all sorts of experiences, they make us wiser.
If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
I would ban Electronics, the addiction is ridiculous, especially for
children till they are eighteen years old. (Laughs)
What is your biggest dream?
To finish my Bachelor’s degree, I have a couple more years.
How many Abayas do you have Shahd?
I have tons and tons.
More than ten?
Yes. (Laughs)
And face veils?
(Laughs) Maybe twenty or forty, I have a lot including colourful ones, I
hardly wear the colourful ones because the blacks are more practical, the
colourful ones are for parties, I take my time and then choose matching
colours. They are pretty.
Have you ever forgotten and gone out
without your Niqab before?
No, but actually one day, my face veil got torn accidentally, I didn't
have a spare with me, I put it on and my face was revealed, luckily my nephew
was able to quickly go get it stitched for me at the tailors.
Shahd, do you ever feel naked without
your face veil, the niqab?
Yes. However when I am at Umrah in Mecca, I take it off. When I am
done with Umrah, then I put it back on after I cut my hair off.
Do you cut the whole hair off?
No just about an inch.
Shahd do you think there is anything truly called halal Make up. I read about a nail polish created which is called Halal.
No I don’t think it is, but it is just my opinion.
You have some polish on, is it Halal?
This is Henna, it is natural, it grows from the ground, and water
gets into it. So I can wash before prayers.
What do you want people today to know about you?
That I am regular, normal, don't be scared about me. Ask me any
questions, come to my house, feel free to visit or come close to me. I am just
like every regular woman, I just happen to wear a face veil.
I agree Shahd. You are.
Shahd, thank you for spending time with me today, I truly appreciate you
trusting me enough to share. God bless you.
*Further Helpful Info
It is believed that cutting ones hair during pilgrimage is a sign of re-birth.
Halal Make up,
In Islam it is compulsory to be clean before prayers with water, nail polish can inhibit water purifying the hands, halal make up is supposed to be water soluble, some people differ on opinions regarding this.*
